Thursday, September 24, 2015

Every day

Bruises, fevers, and growing pains. Every child gets them, every parent deals with them. Why think twice about any of it?

I do. Everyday.

Every new bruise, I wonder if he is bruising too easily. I wonder if I should take him to the doctor.

Every fever, I wonder if his body is trying to fight something other than the flu. I write down when he gets them, how high they are, and how fast they climb. I wonder if I should get him checked out.

Every growing pain, I wonder if there's something else causing the pain. I comfort him through the night, and watch him favor his leg through the day. I wonder if I should request x-rays.

Every headache, every time he vomits without reason, every time he complains about pain somewhere, I worry.

I worry that it's lurking somewhere in his little body. In his blood, his bones, his brain. I've been told, he doesn't have a higher chance of getting it, but I still worry.

I fear that one day I'll hear the words that were once said to my mom, the words that are said to so many parents. The words no one ever wants to hear.

"Your child has cancer"

This is one of my long term side effects of having childhood cancer.